Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Honesty

Don't feel like writing much..not feeling so great, but here are some pics of the past week or so.  Enjoy.

Jack will be 11 months on Saturday.  I am in the process of planning his 1st Birthday.  What fun it is to plan his birthday! I have bought a little crown and onesie and fun bib!  It should be a blast!  Oh how I wish he would be sitting up un-assisted by his 1st birthday or saying Mama or drinking consistently from a cup.  I want to take Jack to visit my extended family and friends in Chattanooga this summer, but honestly, I don't want to have to answer the questions about his development and so I would almost rather hide here in St. Louis.  It's hard. It's hard to be asked if he is sitting up yet or standing or saying momma  or dada.  And sometimes, I lie.  There I said it.  Sometimes, it's easier to just say yes to the all the questions especially to people who don't really know us.  Jack has got the best personality and is the happiest baby, but gross motor has proven not to be his strong point.  Love is definitely his strong point.  Laughter and silliness are his strengths.  I admit that I don't know whether to push him to work harder or just accept that he is developing slowly gross motor wise.  Every time I see a post or picture of a child who is 6 months old and sitting up, I cry. Who knows why it hurts so much.  Why does it even matter?  I don't know, but it does for some reason.  I wish I had more time to work with him and play with him, and  I admit I wonder if I am to blame.  If the time we cuddle and read books should be spent working on sitting or standing.  I try to balance it all.  But when you work 40 hours a week and have therapy 2-3 nights per week and he goes to sleep at 7:30, do you spend the few hours you have working none stop?  You can't.  You have to spend time loving too and relaxing and hugging and cuddling.  And sometimes I wonder if I were a stay at home mom if he would be hitting these milestones quicker.  Maybe, maybe not.  So, I am venting today about all of this.  I should learn not to vent when I don't feel well, maybe I'll learn that lesson one day.

To all of you moms who understand how I feel - thanks for your support and encouragemnet.

And some great news.  My husband got offered a new/better job yesterday.  I am so proud of him.  We celebrated last night and I can't wait to see how our life unfolds in the years to come.  I am so grateful to be married to such a wonderful spouse who is such a great provider and friend.

8 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I do the same thing with Lucas, wonder why isn't he doing this or that because another child is doing it that is the same age. It is easier to say this then actually feel it but we just have to be patient and know that our kids will "do it" but it will be on their own time line. It sounds to me that Jack's strengths are so wonderful and the time that you spend with him just being a family is so important, just as important as therapy maybe more so. You're doing fabulous and so is little Jack!

    Congrats on your husband's new job!

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  2. Rest assured, you are doing the best you can. If you were a stay at home mom, there is no guarantee that Jack will be hitting milestones quicker. And like you said, does it matter? We both know he'll get there just like everyone else. Sure, it helps to spend the extra time pushing and working but what's the point if everyone gets burned out in the process? I know it's hard and frustrating but hang in there! I have a feeling Jack may have a gross motor skills explosion, maybe when you least expect it. Be ready with your camera!
    I stay home with Matthew and I work with him some of the time but we don't do "therapy play" all the time. I don't think he's hitting his milestones quicker than every other kid with DS. He's behind in some areas and stronger in others. His development just kind of ebbs and flows and I'm learning to run with whatever he's showing interest in to help him along.
    Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing great! Jack is thriving and soaking up all the love you give him and all you teach him. It's so apparent in the photos.

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  3. Years from now, it will not matter when he learned to sit, crawl, stand or walk but it will matter how much he was loved, cared for and how much his personality thrived from your influence. Congrats on raising such a happy and handsome little boy.

    Jack is the best and you are wonderful with him. Hang in there!

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  4. Thanks for all your encouraging comments. I am glad you relate Erin and it is helpful to know you face the same struggles. Ria - thanks for the encouragement and reminding me the ebb and flow of development...and Barrett - I love what you said about years from now, it won't matter when he learned to do those things. I need to keep that in mind! Thanks for some perspective!

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  5. It is awfully hard to balance family time, work and therapy. There are times that I feel like I should be working with Claire more, but I know, when I look back, I will remember the snuggles and love much more than all the time I worked with her on a particular skill. Jack is beautiful and you all are doing a great job!

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  6. You're a mama now, and unfortunately guilt comes along with the job-it's pretty much standard! Jack is one of the smiliest, most happy little guys and that's because he is surrounded by all that love in your home-and that is most important!! He'll get that gross-motor wise in "Jack-time"- we go by "Liam time" in our house:) You're doing a great job with all you have going on...Jack will benefit from all of that love and support in the years to come more than anything else!

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  7. i'm sorry that you were feeling so blue...as you know, we all have those days. it seems like no matter what/how much we do, we never feel like it's enough. i wish we lived closer...i think jack and wyatt would be great friends! hugs to you! great photo montage, too! now i'll have to make one for wyatt soon! =) oh the guilt...

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  8. Brandi, Jack has grown and become one of the happiest little guys in the world and it is not because of you being super MOM but just because your his MOM and that is all he wants! God knows what he is doing and all these things will come and you will wonder what you were worried about. Brandi you were made to a MOM and all that it includes and being Jack's MOM has become your best accomplishment! Love,Cindy [your MOM]

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