Moments

There are moments, words, phrases that stop you right in your tracks occasionally.  Sometimes they are good making you feel incredibly grateful...others are very sad reminding you to be strong and then there are the few that seem to do both.  I've had 2 moments like this this week.  These are moments you don't plan and definitely don't see coming.  They tend to take your breath away and teach you a lot.

Moment 1:
One was a patient - a man in his 70s - told a week ago that his cancer was curable, but this week another spot was found - and this one spot meant that he was looking at a year left on this earth.  He and his wife have been married for 51 wonderful years as he put it. She wailed, she sobbed and he held her and said, "honey I love you - we are going to be fine".  I tried not to cry.  I did though. When you are in the presence of such love and care, how can you not.  They wanted more time together after 51 years.  They couldn't imagine only having 1 year left.  Damn cancer - we hate you.  I left clinic that day and cried and cried.  I envied their life long love and learned an important lesson from them - True love never ends.  True love does stand the test of time and illness. True love never fails.   I was honored to see their love - to feel it and I can only hope that life leads me in that same direction and I think it is.


Moment 2:
Girls night with my married moms.  My other girl friends aren't married - hence the "married moms" title.  It's a blessed group.  We've only been able to get together a few times, but the times we've had have been wonderful - a blessing.  Tears have been shed, hugs have been given, prayers have been prayed and then there is much much laughter and joy.  We share our funny stories, sad stories and each time when I leave or they leave I feel lifted up in some way - overjoyed that I have such wonderful women in my life. Last night we all got together.  We said good night to our littles and opened a bottle of wine, baked brownies and sat around in our pjs to talk about life.  The moment that came wasn't from these glorious women.  It was from the offspring of one of them.  Sweet little Shepherd.  (Lindsey I know you are holding your breath right now - but let it out - it is good).  Shep was talking with me and Jack right before I put Jack down.  We were just playing  - talking about wish lists, super heroes, etc and he was hugging Jack non stop as Jack was so kindly swatting his hand away.  A very playful, fun interaction.  And then out of the blue, Shepherd looks at me and says, "does he have a dad?"
Wow.  Silence.  Take a deep breath.  Don't cry.  seconds passed that felt like minutes and I finally responded - Shepherd said OK and went back to playing like it wasn't a huge question - kids are that way.  It was just a simple question for him and I felt like he just wanted to be sure.  God the Father? was Shep talking about him - no he wasn't - he is 4.  He was thinking "I always see this woman with Jack, so where is Jack's dad?"  9 months ago that question would have sent me to bed bawling out of shame, disappointment, fear, anger and hopelessness.  I wouldn't have been able to answer.  I would have squeezed my Jack reminding him that I would try to be both.  I would be mom and dad and that I was so sorry.  Jack does have a biological father, but a dad in the way Shepherd was asking - no - he didn't, not until recently.   But look at what a year has brought.   And so I answered in confidence - "yes, yes he does.  His name is Daniel.  And he loves Jack very much".

2 very different moments, but very special ones I will not soon forget.